


What would John do?

by angelfiregirl80



Series: Prompts [35]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Inner Dialogue, M/M, Sherlock's Mind Palace
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-18
Updated: 2016-05-18
Packaged: 2018-06-09 04:52:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6890938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelfiregirl80/pseuds/angelfiregirl80
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Some inner thoughts from the never stopping mind of one Sherlock Holmes about his one and only John Watson</p>
            </blockquote>





	What would John do?

**Author's Note:**

> Just happened! I was talking to my brother about TRF and how he felt when he saw Sherlock falling. This is what Sherlock thinks (I surmise) whenever he sees John

There were many emotions I could never understand. Actually, never cared to understand; I thought of them as sentiment, a disadvantage to the brain work. Thinking about friendship was an absolute waste of time; having a friend was something my mind could never understand, having the need to have someone to share time, to go to when in need; I had Redbeard for that, he was an excellent pillow, and most times, and excellent kerchief for my childhood tears. Why would I need a friend if I already had one?

I never understood why other kids teased me for being a loner, I needed nothing, I never understood what they talked about, having parties, having friends, someone to play with… I was “out of my league” having friends, or enjoying time with people that clearly never understood how my mind worked, that always called me a freak, that teased and mocked just for the joy of it. A friend was unnecessary, friendship was a concept I could never grasp.

Then there was love, I never understood love, to me it related to a chemical defect that affected parts of the brain that were better put to use when you needed to think about a puzzle; the distractions of love made me think of lost puppies that wandered around the world without a bone, being hungry and not knowing they needed to be fed, willingly suffering instead of simply going through life the way it was intended, alone.

I never understood why people would “fell” in love; it was mostly boring to me, amusing at best, but totally and utterly stupid, never the less. “Falling” as if it were falling from a bed, or something, utterly idiotic concept, love was useless, at best, though I must admit I loved Redbeard, he was my “friend” after all, but he died, and that was it, so I never found a use to “falling” in love.

But everything changed when I fell from Bart’s roof. I was already IN love, and I fell, literally, for love. I finally understood what the concept meant, and it never was as clear as the moment when I hit the air bed. I understood friendship too, why you could do everything for a friend, celebrating Christmas, birthdays, remembering dates and anniversaries. As I fell I remembered the day we met, your birthdate, our only Christmas, every aspect of our time together flew by my mind palace, and made me wish I was actually dead, because I knew I was going to cause you pain.

There were many emotions I never understood, but now I understand them all, caring, friendship, love, sweetness, tenderness, affection, willingness, all of them are in array in my mind palace, and all have your face and make me think of you. Whenever I find myself in a difficult place, not knowing how to react or what to do, I think about you, and what you would do.

What would John do? John cares, John asks, John shows concern, John shows love, and I act accordingly; I care, I stopped thinking about people as cold facts in a piece of paper and started thinking about them as actual people (sorry about that) as people that deserves to be cared for, comforted, loved.

I used to be a cold machine, because caring brought pain, watching children being killed by their parents, women being raped and abused, families being torn apart by lies and fraud, the elderly being robbed and discriminated, the young losing themselves to drugs and violence. I had seen many things, many painful things, and the sentiments, the emotions related to those people were always pain and anger, frustration, regret, never love or consideration, not even friendship; I had to be detached.

But you, you keep me right. What would John do; he would love me no matter what, he would be there, comforting me, caring for me, making me tea, having me eat and sleep; stitching me up, cleaning for me, after me… cleaning me… he would be there… loving me

I’m a heartless machine during cases, I have to be, but now I understand. What would John do? He would understand     

**Author's Note:**

> Love the kudos and even more the comments. If you see any mistakes, please let me know. LYA


End file.
